I read a book about my insides and it changed my life

A friend lent me a book called Gut by Giulia Enders, saying, “You’ve got to read this, Danny, it changed my life! It’s all about how the gut is the most underrated organ in the body, and it takes you on a journey through the digestive system, from ingestion all the way to excretion.”

And I thought to myself, “Oh great. You just gave away the ending. Jerk. Don’t need to read it now, do I? Some people can’t help themselves.”

I went down to my local fruit ‘n’ veg store and stocked up on super-healthy vegies. Credit:Melanie Russell

But I gave the book a read anyway (though I first wiped it down with a Dettol surface wipe, it’s that kind of book). And it turned out to be pretty interesting: I realised that diet has a huge effect on both your physical and mental wellbeing.

Putting food in your body is like putting petrol in a car in the sense that when you put petrol in a car, sometimes you buy a Krispy Kreme original glazed doughut from the petrol station counter, and that’s something you should not be putting in your body.

This book was a revelation, I couldn’t stop reading. I read it in bed, in the living room, on the loo – which was a bit strange, like getting a live commentary. And by the end – which I already knew, thanks – I’d made a decision. I needed to improve my gut bacteria, eat more vegies, cut back on sugar and fat and processed foods … starting today.

And if it went well, I might do it again tomorrow. Play it by ear. No need to commit too early.

So I went down to my local fruit ’n’ veg store and stocked up on super-healthy vegies. I bought kale, which is a leafy green plant that you can only buy in massive tree-sized clumps, so you get the feeling that fruit ’n’ veg stores are just trying to unload the stuff.

Kale is weird: it’s gnarly and fibrous and bitter – it’s pretty much just pissed-off lettuce. But if you stir-fry it for long enough, it loosens up, starts to relax, becomes a bit more sociable at the dinner table. Although the stems just won’t go down: they’re like chewing Wrigley’s Extra in mown-grass flavour.

I also bought zucchini, which looks like a circumcised cucumber so not only is it healthy for your gut, you can do hilarious crotch-jokes in the kitchen until your partner says, “Jeez, grow up. Put it down. And rinse it off first.”

Zucchini has amazing healing properties, mostly on itself: if you cut one in half then join it back up, it will graft together overnight in a creepy human-flesh-healing way. That’s why I always whisper “sorry” whenever I cut into a zucchini. I think it can hear me.

And I bought some bok choy, which should not be confused with pak choy because they’re completely different things – one tastes like crispy watery tissue while the other tastes like crispy watery paper towelling. I even bought a bit of rhubarb, which is supposed to be good for you although the leaves contain the same deadly acid that mechanics use to clean rust out of fuel tanks. So rhubarb can actually kill you. It’s the fugu fish of vegies.

Two weeks on and I already feel the difference. My body is happier, my being seems lighter, and my gut is buzzing with healthy bacteria, billions of them, frolicking on my intestinal lining. I can feel them in there, working hard all day, partying hard all night, then going home with themselves and reproducing asexually. Consensually, of course. They’re good bacteria.

Danny Katz is a regular columnist.

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