I’m thinking of ending it all after I split with girlfriend of seven years

Dear Coleen

After my wife died I was in a ­relationship with another woman for seven years. However we broke up a few months ago and I’m finding it ­impossible to move on.

She changed her phone number, so the only way I have of contacting her is by email and she only ever replies when she’s drunk.

I gave her everything and allowed her to meet my girls and be part of their lives, but her mother wouldn’t accept me, which made our ­relationship difficult to manage.

She’d come to my house every three or four weeks but we used to talk on the phone every day.

I even gave her family money during the whole time we were together. She has a son, who I know, but not very well, and I was very good to him, too.

Should I stop emailing her? I do so every day and never get a reply. Am I deluding myself that I’ll get her back?

I think she could be with someone else but she’s denied it when I’ve asked. I’m so down I’ve even thought about ending it all – my two girls are growing up now and only one is still living at home. I’m afraid to tell anyone how I feel in case I look stupid. Any advice would be very welcome.

Coleen says

First of all, please reach out and tell people how you feel – they won’t think you are stupid because you’re not, you’re just missing someone. These feelings are natural, but you need to find a way to take control of them so they don’t overwhelm you.

Whether your daughters are grown up or not, they still need their dad in their lives. You are the person who holds the family together, and they love you. Imagine how great it’ll be, watching them make their way in life and seeing them find partners and start families? Imagine being part of all that. Reach out to your girls, but also reach out to the professionals.

If you want to just pick up the phone and get your ­feelings out to someone, then try Mind (0300 123 3393) or Samaritans (116 123). You won’t be judged, you’ll just be helped.

As far as your ex goes, I think you are wasting your time and you should start focusing on yourself and your own wellbeing.

The reason the break-up is hitting you so hard could be because you lost your wife, and this is stirring up all those feelings of loss and grief again.

If you never had counselling over the death of your wife then it could be a good idea. Talk to your GP and you can also contact Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk) for advice and support.

The really positive thing is that by deciding to write to me, you’ve already taken the first step to feeling better and in control. You can absolutely turn things around for you and your girls.

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