Woman Writes Powerful Letter To The Partners Of Anxiety Sufferers
Blogger Laura Mazza, the woman behind Mum on the Run, has penned a powerful letter to anyone with a partner suffering from anxiety.
The message has resonated with women and men all over the world, with her Facebook post receiving over 126k shares, 47k likes and thousands more comments of support.
The mum-of-two details the day-to-day struggle of fighting a war inside your own head and her gratitude towards the man who has stuck by her side through it all.
“You might have heard that she has anxiety from sitting by her side in a doctor’s office, holding her hands while the tears stream down her face,” she writes. “You might have seen her get angry and explode because she’s overwhelmed. Wondering where this rage has come from. You might have seen her sit quietly staring into the distance with a panic in her eye.
You might have guessed, or she might have told you, but either way there are things you should know.”
She writes that anxiety isn’t one size fits all, that the mental illness is rarely consistent and easily misinterpreted.
“You might think she’s just snapped at you, but it was anxiety that did it, you might think she’s angry, but it’s the anxiety that’s got a choke hold, you might think she’s not enjoying herself when you go out and it’s your fault, but it’s not. It’s anxiety.”
Even when you're trying to find your groove they still remind you that you're their mother, and ultimately their bitch! Off to scare expecting parents for @mumlifeaustralia (just kidding) rocking @mrsconstancehall mum Tum skirt (good because I are noodles and I'm bloated) and saying it like it is always in t shirt form thanks to the @thehood_store !
Laura goes on to write of the constant fear anxiety sufferers have about being a burden on their loved ones.
“Sometimes she wonders why you’re with her, and if you knew she had anxiety would you still be there, do you regret it? Being with her? Do you wish you were with someone else that didn’t have this vice around their neck?”
She also acknowledges the indispensable support required of a partner in this situation.
“I want you to know I see that this is tough on you, tough to see your loved one hurt, tough on you, the pressure for you would be immense.”
“She knows it’s not your fault, and she knows you want to fix her and in the way that means you help her, but you can’t fix her. She’s not broken.”
When you see a new mum come into your playgroup, and she stands away from everyone because she's new. Talk to her. Talk to her the next three times you see her, because for her, she's come into a new environment where everyone has their own click, and she's overwhelmed… but she's come there to make friends because she wants to connect with other mums. She spent the morning rushing to get there, trying to look like she's got it together and that she's not petrified. Sure, she might not live in your area, go to your social events, be the same nationality whatever, but that's the beauty of getting to know someone new. If that mother at mothers group keeps cancelling on you but always reschedules, keep trying, keep trying at least three more times and tell her it'll be okay to catch up. She might be riddled with anxiety and not coping, your persistence could save her sanity and make her feel loved. If a mum smiles at you at the park, smile back. Talk to her, make a friend, she doesn't have to baptise your child but now you both have someone to go to the park with. You both don't have to feel alone on days it's relentless. You both can help each other watch your kids together and it'll feel so much easier. If your mum friend hasn't been herself lately, and doesn't want to do anything, go to her house, bring her some coffee and wine and chocolate, xanax, whatever, and tell her she's got this, tell her she's not alone. That not matter what motherhood throws at her, that you'll do it together. Go do her dishes INSIST she eats pizza with you while the kids destroy the house and give her a big hug. All these mums might have woken up today saying I can't do this, I have no one and I'm a failure, they might have been up all night with a restless baby, a teething toddler or whatever. They might think they are the worst mum in the world, but on a day where someone has given them some warmth, someone has given them a little encouragement and a little love, it'll make them feel like a million bucks. Motherhood is hard, it's beautiful and rewarding, it's many things, but it's hard and heartbreaking sometimes. It's not always a network of people – the rest in comments
“But you can help her, you can loosen the vice. You can see what gets too much for her, the crowds of people or bed time, dinner time, see it and help her by holding her hand and tell her you’re with her. Do it with her, take over, tell her to sit down for a while and breathe.”
“She appreciates you, she loves you. She’s vulnerable and scared. But she chose you to share her biggest deepest scar tissue that resides in her heart, and she knew the day she met you that you were the one worthy enough to see her in all her imperfections.”
Wider awareness and understanding of anxiety is needed and powerful posts like this are going a long way in achieving that.
You can read the moving message in its entirety below.
For more information about anxiety, or if you or someone you know is suffering, please visit www.sane.org or call the SANE Helpline on 1800 187 263.
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