‘My baby’s father is back and claims he wants to be a good dad’

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my mid-20s and I’ve recently had a baby. The pregnancy was accidental – I was only with the baby’s father for a few months before getting pregnant, so it was a shock.

He’s also a couple of years younger than me and emotionally immature.

When he found out I was pregnant, he couldn’t deal with it and we split up. I obviously felt scared and let down, but I wanted to keep the baby.

I have a job and get maternity leave, and also have a supportive family, so I got on with it.

Then after the baby was born, he got back in touch to say he loves me and wants to try to make the relationship work and be a good father to the baby.

He’s still living at home with his parents and we haven’t seen each other much so far, and I just don’t know whether I can trust him.

My family can’t stand him after he abandoned us, which doesn’t help. I did love him and thought we could be great together, but I don’t want to get hurt again or risk my son getting hurt if his father disappears once more.

What’s your advice?

Coleen says

First of all, your baby is lucky to have you – you sound mature and sensible, and are doing a great job as a mum, and that should continue to be your priority.

Although your ex says he wants to try again and be a father to the baby, it’s all a bit vague at the moment, so I think you need to sit down with him and discuss how it’s going to work in reality when he’s still living at home with his parents.

Why not start by agreeing on some regular times every week for him to see you and the baby, and also talk about his financial responsibilities?

You need to get some guidelines in place and then see if the romance is still there and if you can build on it.

I think you should take it slowly to see if you can build that trust. You don’t have to jump into anything – you’re doing fine.

As for your parents, I’m sure they’re just being protective of you and the baby and want what’s best for you both.

But it’s your life and they need to allow you to find out what you want, so don’t feel guilty or disloyal about reconnecting with your ex if that’s what you want.

At the end of the day, he’s the baby’s father and you need to do what you think is best for all of you. Good luck.

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